Look at my blog posts of late and you see a streak of paranoia under the surface about gaining weight over the holidays. Yes, I have a 5 pound insurance policy (meaning if I gain 5 pounds that was okay – just not more). The reality is, I don’t want to gain any weight. The thought of having to tighten the belt again is a horrible thought.
As such I’ve kept up my workout routine. I’ve continued to log everything. I’ve weighed myself everyday. I’ve even played around with my calories – upping them to 1500.
So, I got on the scale the other day and was 107.1 lbs. 3 pound under my goal weight. I wasn’t quite ready to believe it. I got on and off a few times thinking the scale was wrong. When I’ve dipped to 109 and even 108 I wasn’t really that worried. I’d certainly been at 110 enough and at times 111 and 112. But, for the past three days I’m at 107. I’m not thinking the scale is the issue.
I couldn’t for the life of me figure out what was happening. I felt like I was eating like crazy and certainly not eating as clean as I normally do. Yes, I was exercising. But I pulled it down to no more than 30 minutes a day vs. 45 minutes. And, the intensity is lower because I’m on the treadmill and not the road.
Anyway, I just pulled down my charts from MFP (overall tracking) and Garmin Connect (scale readings). It is a little clearer now as I look over the past month.
My weight is fluctuating as I’ve noticed but still maintaining. That spike last week? That was a late night weigh in after a big Thanksgiving meal. I went to the scale saying out loud, “Let’s get the 112 reality check.” And amazingly I was right, 112.5. Food, salt, monthly cycle all came together. Add to the fact that I weight myself in the morning and there is the other flaw. But really, it’s a blip. It was the after affect slide where we pick up.
Now I look at my calories consumed. My goal is at 1500 calories per day. 11/8 and 11/14 are completely off because of the time changes from my Tokyo trip. You’ll see a few days where I was gluttonous, but the majority of the days I’m below my calorie goal. Through Thanksgiving I was actually doing well. But, when you get to this past week, even as I felt like I was eating a lot and keeping myself full, I’m really not hitting my goal. My paranoia has translated into dieting.
Take away here is that as much as maintenance mode can be scary, I need to continually look up and watch my patterns and not just look day to day. While many struggle with gaining weight now, I seem to have the challenge, for the time being, of allowing myself to let go a bit. Even as I had a bowl of ice cream with fruit compote and granola for dessert yesterday and a huge plate of Brazilian buffet for lunch today, I need to allow myself to eat all my calories and maybe even go over 50 – 100. Even if I think I’m eating, I may not be.
So, here is to a Friday night. I think I’m going to celebrate with pizza and beer!